If there’s one thing you learn as you get older it’s that you need to learn to laugh at yourself. We hope you read these celebrity one-liners and laugh until your tummy hurts.
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I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner
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We could certainly slow the ageing process if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck
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Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Author unknown
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. George Burns
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work … I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
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I’ve learnt that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Andy Rooney
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra. Will Rogers
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller
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There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. P.G. Wodehouse
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner
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At my age, flowers scare me. George Burns
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield
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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” Claude Pepper
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You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope
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He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. George Burns
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
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So far, this is the oldest I’ve been. George Carlin
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These were collected from assorted websites. Can you add to the list? Pop them in the comments section below.
Also read: Friday Funnies: Kids are too clever
