A child asked his father: “How were people born?”
His father said: “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother and asked her the same question. She told him: “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are today.”
The child ran back to his father and said: “You lied to me!”
His father replied: “No I didn’t. Your mother was talking about her side of the family.”
•••
A teacher asked her class: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
“Eggs!” the kids replied in unison.
“Good! Now, what does the pig give you?”
“Bacon!” cried the children.
“Very good! And what does the fat cow give you?”
“Homework!”
•••
A family sat eating dinner at the table one night.
“Dad,” the son asked, “are bugs good to eat?”
“Why, that’s disgusting!” his father exclaimed. “Don’t talk about things like that over dinner.”
After dinner, the father asked his son: “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” replied the son. “There was a bug in your soup, but it’s gone now.”
•••
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun placed a note in front of a pile of apples. It read, “Take only one, God is watching.”
Further down the line a young boy began piling his plate with cookies. He elbowed his friend, “Hey! Take as many as you want! God is watching the apples!”
•••
Sam: “Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?”
Annie: “Oh, it’s okay. He woke up.”
•••
Having found a clearly plagiarised essay, a teacher pulled a student into his office. Showing her the essay online, he asked: “What do you have to say for yourself?”
The student, clearly frustrated, replied: “Well, I paid my sister to write it for me, and I didn’t think she’d stoop so low as to plagiarise!”
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