An Irish blonde
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated, and when she bet 20,000 euros on a single roll of the dice, she said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.”
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!”
She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”
Moral of the story: Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!
The Jewish elbow
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson and his wife who are coming to visit: “You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push third floor. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
“What?! Are you coming empty handed?”
Wise Italian grandfather
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, “Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.”?
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
“Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘Times up!’”?
Irish Fire Insurance
A man and his wife moved back home to Cork from London. The wife had a wooden leg, and to insure it in Britain it had cost £2000 a year. When they arrived in Cork, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent checked his computer and said to the couple, “thirty-nine euros”. The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap to insure his leg in Ireland when compared to England.
The agent turned his computer screen towards the couple and said, ‘“Well, here, on the screen it says any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.’”
