They say there are two wonderful moments in every boat owner’s life – the day he or she buys it and the day it’s sold. We thought we’d jump aboard for today’s Friday Funnies.
•••
A doctor, a dentist and a lawyer were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard.
Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two of them would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help.
They noticed that there were hundreds of sharks between them and land.
Without a word, the lawyer took off. As he swam, the sharks moved aside.
The dentist yelled, “It’s a miracle!”
“No,” said the doctor, “That’s professional courtesy.”
•••
A salty cruising boat pulled in to dock, and a stunningly beautiful woman stepped off with a parrot on her shoulder. “Where did you get that?” asked one of the dock rats. “Met her online,” replied the parrot.
•••
A man fell overboard from his little sailboat, and was thrashing around in the water when another boat pulled up.
“Jump in, we’ll save you,” the people in the boat screamed.
“No,” cried the drowning man, “God will save me.”
The scene was repeated twice more and then a helicopter hovered over the man.
“We came to rescue you,” yelled the pilot.
“No, God will save me,” was the response again.
The man drowned, and as he crossed the Pearly Gates, he ran straight towards Jesus.
“I placed my faith in You, and You let me drown!”
“Hey!” said Jesus. “I sent three boats and a helicopter.”
•••
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different colour: green, red, orange, blue and yellow.
After a while, the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
“What’s the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?”
The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.”
•••
Every yacht club event ended the same way, with the doctor, the lawyer and the engineer in a heated argument. This Friday, they were arguing over who had the smarter dog, and having had enough of the ongoing feud, the Commodore stepped in.
“Next Friday, you’ll all three bring your dogs here, and we’ll put them to the test.”
Friday came, and a space on the floor was cleared for the competition. Starting the test was the doctor’s dog. A bag of bones was dumped in front of the dog, the whistle blew, the doctor gave his command, and the dog went to work.
Within a few minutes, the doctor’s dog had reassembled the entire skeleton. The crowd cheered!
Next came the engineer’s dog. The bag of bones was dumped, the whistle blew, and within a few minutes the dog had assembled the bones into a scale replica of the Westgate Bridge.
The crowd was stunned. Surely this was the smartest dog in the world!
Then it was the lawyer’s dog’s turn. When the whistle was blown, the dog jumped up, ate all the bones, screwed the other two dogs, crapped all over the place, and sent everyone a bill.
•••
Gordon died. So Susan went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries section. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Susan what she would like to say about Gordon.
“Just put ‘Gordon died’,” Susan replied.
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said: “That’s it? Just ‘Gordon died’? Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Gordon. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free.”
So Susan pondered for a few minutes and finally said: “Okay then, put ‘Gordon died. Sailboat for sale’.”
Do you have any boatie jokes to share?
