If we can’t laugh at ourselves, what is the world coming to! We hope you enjoy another dose of ageist one-liners from some prominent names.
•••
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal
•••
How young can you die of old age? Steven Wright
•••
As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative Mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. Erma Bombeck
•••
Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. Joan Rivers
•••
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. Kurt Vonnegut
•••
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns
•••
There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. John Mortimer
•••
You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. Woody Allen
•••
Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning. Bob Hope
•••
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do for a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. Erma Bombeck
•••
I’m so old they’ve cancelled my blood type. Bob Hope
•••
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” Jerry Seinfeld
•••
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. Jerry M. Wright
•••
People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. George Burns
•••
Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. Joan Rivers
•••
It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
Do you have any more quips you can add to this list? Share them in the comments section below.
Also read: Friday Funnies – Going nuts
