Little Larry was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated. Larry decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says: “Mum, I know everything.” Mum shushes him and gives him $10.
“Just don’t tell Dad,” she says.
Hey, it’s working thinks Little Larry.
An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Larry goes up to him and says: “Dad, I know everything.”
Dad gives Larry $100. “Don’t tell Mum,” he says.
Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Larry opens it and says. “I know everything.”
The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says: “Well then Larry, come give daddy a hug.”
•••
Little Larry’s parents decide to have sex and to get him out of the house they tell him to go to the balcony and count the number of red cars on the road. After they have finished having sex they call him inside and ask him: “How many red cars did you see?”
Larry says: “I didn’t see any red cars but I found out our neighbours Mr and Mrs Smith were having sex”.
“Did they leave the curtains open?” asked his Dad.
Larry replies: “No I saw their son on the balcony counting cars.”
•••
A 72-year-old man had one hobby – he loved to fish. He was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say: “Pick me up.” He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again: “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said: “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said: “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket. The frog said: “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said, kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.”
The man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and replied: “At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”
•••
Three couples decided to join an exclusive church. The first couple was married for 10 years, the second was married for five years, and the third were newlyweds.
The three couples came before the priest and asked to join the congregation. The priest said: “As you know this is a very exclusive church, and we can’t let just anyone join. In order to become a member you must pass a test. To join you must forego sex for a month.” The couples agreed to the terms and went their separate ways.
After a month, the couples returned to the church and stood before the priest. “How did you do on your trial?” he asked the couple married for 10 years.
“We did fine,” they replied. “We’ve been together so long that not having sex was easy.”
“Welcome to the congregation,” the priest said. He then turns to the couple married for five years and asks them: “How did you do on your trial?”
“We did okay,” they replied. “There were a couple of tough spots here and there, but we held out and refrained from sex.”
“Welcome to the congregation,” the priest said. He then turned to the newlyweds and asked “How did you do on your trial?”
The couple is sheepishly silent for a minute and then finally the husband speaks up. “Father, it was hard but we did really well. Right up to the last day. My wife was handling some tomatoes and dropped one. When she bent down to pick it. I couldn’t resist. I had to have her straight away. We had the most passionate love we ever had in our relationship, trying things we had never done before. It was amazing, but sorry father, we failed.”
“That’s disgusting!” The priest exclaimed. “Why would you do that? You have to leave and never come back!”
The wife finally spoke up and said: “That’s exactly what they said to us at the supermarket.”
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