My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the radio, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out of our front door, but as we did our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs and inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie, we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the backyard again.
Because I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away: “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her butt with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat butt down the stairs and threw her into the backyard … she had better not s#*t in the vegetable garden again.”
The silence in the taxi was deafening …
•••
Riddle: While on my way to St Ives, I saw a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks. Each sack had seven cats. Each cat had seven kittens. Kitten, cats, sacks, wives, How many were going to St Ives? (Answer below)
Q. When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A. When you’re a mouse
Q. What happens after it rains cats and dogs?
A. You step in a poodle.
Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat and a lemon?
A: A sour puss.
Q. What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?
A. Purr-suasive
Q. What happens when a cat meets with a tragic accident?
A. A cat-astrophy!
(Riddle answer): Just one – me.
Do you have any more cat jokes? Why not share them in the comments section below?
Also read: Ultimate dad jokes
