This week’s Friday funnies are all about the art of lovemaking for seniors. ‘Join in’ for some fun … and laughs.
Where the hell have you been?
Wife: “Where the hell have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”
Husband: “I’m so sorry, honey, but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”
Wife: “I want the truth, and I want it NOW!”
Husband: “Fine. We finished in less than four hours and then had a quick beer in the clubhouse. Then I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. But on the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tyre. So I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course, I refuse it. Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton – and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She’s such a sweetie, so I said yes. Before you know it, one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy, while pulling me by the hand. Now I’m in her room, clothes are flying, the talking’s stopped and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it, the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth, you got it.”
Wife: “Complete and utter bullsh*#t. You played 36 holes, didn’t you?”
Lovemaking tips for seniors
- Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
- Set the timer for three minutes – in case you doze off in the middle.
- Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them all off!)
- Make sure you save 000 on your speed dial before you begin.
- Write your partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember it.
- Use extra Poligrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.
- Have Panadol ready in case you actually complete the act.
- Make all the noise you want … the neighbours are deaf, too.
- If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!
- Don’t even think about trying it twice.
Old is when …
… your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love”, and you answer, “Pick one; I can’t do both.”
… ‘getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.
… ‘getting luck’ means you find your car in the parking lot.
… an ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
… you’re not sure if these are facts or jokes.
