Golf panties
The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her distinct lack of underwear.
“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?” Ole demanded.
“Well,” she said. “You don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers! Why not?”
She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.”
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over to the tee. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked underneath.
“Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin’ hell are yer drawers?”
She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.”
Japanese Hotel Service
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo. Realising he needed a haircut before the next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically. “But down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”
Sceptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted 15.00 yen, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and admired his reflection – it was the best haircut he’d had in his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, “Manicures, 20.00 yen”.
The salesman thought, “Why not?” He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, “This machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 1.00 yen”.
The salesman looked both ways, put one yen in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some trepidation, placed his manhood into the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
