In true Aussie tradition, it’s time to have a laugh at ourselves. Some may be a little too close to the bone, but we’re confident you can handle the heat.
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If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what to you call someone who speaks one language?
Aussie.
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How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
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What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup?
A referee.
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An Aussie said: “Take away your snow-capped mountains, culture and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The Kiwi answered: “Australia.”
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Two politicians go out to lunch together. In the middle of lunch one jumps up and says: “Bugger. I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.”
The other politician replies: “No worries. We’re both here.”
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What are the only two seasons a bogan can name?
Football and cricket.
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When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record…
Confused, I replied, “Oh, is that still required?”
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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets a farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says: “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the farm a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says: “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos bounding through the field. He asks: “And what are those?”
The Aussie, fed up with the bragging, asks with an incredulous look: “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
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Why is there no Australian Spider-Man?
He didn’t survive the bite.
Also read: Friday Funnies: romance takes a wrong turn
