Ralph and Edna were both patients in a psychiatric hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly veered sideways and jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna immediately jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the head nurse became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as Edna’s good deeds indicated that she was mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is we are discharging you. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of a person I have concluded that your act displays that you are of a sound mind. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?”
•••
A mafia boss finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place. The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where’s the money?”
Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”
The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
•••
A 15-year-old Amish boy and his father went to a shopping mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,
“Go get your Mother.”
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