Christmas is a time of great cheer. Fall into the festive spirit with these cracking Christmas jokes.
Let’s start with some cracking cracker jokes
What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
Sandy Claus.
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What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?
You get a Christmas Quacker!
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What goes ho, ho, ho, thump?
Santa laughing his head off.
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Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
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Read: How the angel got stuck on the tree
Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee?
Star-bucks!
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Why did Santa quit smoking?
Because it was bad for his elf.
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What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney while the fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle.
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What do reindeers hang on the Christmas tree?
Horn-aments!
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn’t chicken!
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What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
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What do you call a snowman on holiday in the tropics?
A puddle.
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Read: 15 things you can only say at Christmas
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How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter y.
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A Christmas tale
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honour of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven.”
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It’s a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said: “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said: “You may pass through the pearly gates”
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s knickers.
Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked: “And just what do those symbolise?”
The paddy replied, “These are Carols.”
Cheesy Christmas jokes
Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Father Christmas?
Claus-trophobic.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus.
Who says, “Oh! Oh! Oh!”?
Santa walking backwards.
Read: Friday Funnies learn about history
Why is a sofa like a cooked turkey?
Because they are both full of stuffing.
What do you call a phantom turkey?
A poultrygeist.
What’s a popular Christmas book?
How to decorate your home by Miss L. Toe.
What kind of underwear does Father Christmas wear?
Santa drawers.
Why was the Christmas tree crying at Christmas time?
It was pining for its mother.
What song did Santa sing at the football match?
Yule never walk alone.
And don’t forget to refresh your memories with our famous festive Christmas Crackers!
