How to explain dementia to children

Dementia is very hard for adults to understand – so imagine how perplexing it must be for a child.

Not only does a close family member such as their grandma or grandpa start forgetting things, but dementia – the most common form of which is Alzheimer’s – can mean those affected have problems with planning, decision-making and language, as well as changes in their mood and behaviour.

And they’re only going to get worse. But how do you explain all this to a child?

“Finding out someone close to you has dementia is difficult for everyone, and we all need time to adjust and come to terms with our feelings,” says Dr Tim Beanland, head of knowledge management at the Alzheimer’s Society. “Children and young people are no different, but it can be harder for them, as they may not properly understand what dementia is, or they might find it harder to cope with their feelings.

“One of the most important approaches is to listen to the concerns of the young person or child. It’s very important to try to get a sense for how much they can cope with, and tailor the discussion accordingly.”

Here are Dr Beanland’s suggestions for how to explain dementia to a child.

1. Explain what dementia is

Make sure you know the facts about dementia, and convey at least some of what you know to your child, in an age-appropriate manner. “Explain as clearly and calmly as possible, at a level that the child can understand,” advises Dr Beanland. “Try to get a sense of how much detail they can cope with.”

2. Be clear and honest

Try to be as honest as you can, offering clear explanations and plenty of reassurance, Dr Beanland says. “It’s important to make sure they know they can ask questions any time they need to.”

3. Acknowledge the affected person’s behaviour 

Talk about the behaviour of the person with dementia, for example if they’re forgetting where they are, or not recognising family members. Make sure your child knows you understand the behaviour may seem strange to them.

4. Listen carefully to what children have to say

Try to imagine the situation from your child’s point of view. “Think about their relationship with the person with dementia – this will help you find out if they’re worrying about something specific,” Dr Beanland says.

5. Be patient

You may need to repeat your explanations on different occasions, depending on the age and level of understanding of the child.

6. Tell the school

If your child is at school, it’s often a good idea to let staff know that your relative has dementia, says Beanland. That way, if the child’s behaviour is affected at all by what’s happening with their relative, teachers may realise what’s triggering the behaviour.

7. Remind children you’re still there for them

It’s important to reassure children that others are still there for them. “They need to know that, despite all the pressures, they are still loved – however preoccupied or frustrated other people may be sometimes,” says Dr Beanland. This can help to provide opportunities for them to talk about any concerns they might have. “Give the child plenty of reassurance and hugs, and don’t be afraid to use humour, if it feels appropriate,” Dr Beanland says. “It can help if you can laugh together.”

8. Get the person with dementia to talk to the child about their diagnosis if possible

If the person with dementia has received an early diagnosis, or has a form of dementia that doesn’t initially affect their understanding and communication, they may be able to talk about their diagnosis to a child themselves. “This can potentially be a good way of reducing fear and maintaining a positive relationship,” says Dr Beanland.

9. Let them know you are there

Encourage the child to ask any questions they have, and let them know they can always talk to you without being judged. “You could also set aside a regular time to talk or do activities together when they can speak with you alone,” suggests Dr Beanland.

10. Talk about living well with dementia

Once you’ve explained as well as you can what dementia is and what’s happening to your loved one, try to be positive about their remaining abilities. “Focus on the things that the person with dementia can still do, as well as those that are becoming more difficult,” Dr Beanland suggests.

Do you have any other tips to add? Why not share them in the comments section below?

Also read: Activities that best protect against dementia

– With PA