While Meg Ryan faking it in When Harry Met Sally is forever iconic, adults nowadays are more open about desiring sexual satisfaction. Peak female pleasure is a hot topic – and focus of scientific query.
Researching the mystery of the female orgasm has revealed more about what helps women reach their climax, or to quote the French, le petite mort.
For women, an orgasm is a personal experience impacted by a combination of mental and physical factors, not the least of which is different forms of stimuli.
Studies have shown women orgasm less than men during heterosexual sex at all ages (known as The Orgasm Gap), with higher orgasm percentages in same sex relationships.
Finding the perfect combo for your partner’s sexual satisfaction may take time, effort, and experimentation. The good news is, you’ll both have a lot of fun during the journey.
The power of thought
Studies show potential for female orgasm is enhanced when women feel safe and truly connected to their partner. Relationship elements have an impact.
The ability to communicate openly is key. Sex is sometimes used to avoid other types of intimacy, but lack of connection and simmering tensions can inhibit a woman’s orgasm.
Discuss issues up-front before getting busy. Remember, intimacy is a two-way street. You can turn her by trusting her with your feelings too.
Keep talking it up
Research repeatedly shows words to be a fantastic form of foreplay. A message or email beforehand fuels the imagination, building anticipation—and therefore arousal.
Do you both mention what you enjoy sexually? A murmured sentence at dinner, telling your lover what you’d like to do later, can be greatly stimulating.
Are you honest with each other during sexual scenarios? Hesitancy to tell the truth during sex can make it harder to relax, especially if partners rely on guesswork.
Explore the potential
Take time to touch each other’s bodies, exploring skin. Just remember, getting in the mood is about the mind too. Set the scene in a way that works for you both.
From sexy cinema to role playing, dirty talk or a relaxing bath, a woman who trusts you is more likely to tell you what she needs, especially if it’s kinky.
Embrace props. Vibrators are not your competition, but your back-up. Candles are all kinds of interesting, from gentle lighting to wax play. Keep it safe, and consensual.
Popular focal points
Studies have shown one or more sources of sensory input contribute to orgasms.
The g-spot is a collection of nerve endings inside the front wall of the vagina. Usually two fingers inserted and moved as if gesturing someone forward are stimulating. The g-spot may also be stimulated by the penis.
The external portion of the clitoris is small but for many women, stimulating the head of the clitoris is often integral to reaching orgasm. You can try circles or strokes, increasing or reducing pressure.
Commit at least a quarter of an hour to clitoral stimulation. She might also enjoy touching herself during sex, which may help her orgasm.
Mix it up
You don’t need to work your way through the entire Kama Sutra, but switching up positions might increase the chance of orgasm. Take care to choose positions that aren’t challenging – an Olympic routine is not required.
How a woman prefers to move during sex can also make a difference when trying to reach orgasm. Encourage your partner to experiment.
Studies show some women reach orgasm from oral sex, while for others anal sex is the deciding factor. Penile-vaginal intercourse isn’t the yellow brick road to climaxing.
There is no goal scoring
Take your time. Slow intimacy is often cited in orgasm studies – and never underestimate the power of great kissing.
Lubrication can help, but if you feel hormone changes are inhibiting responses or making sex uncomfortable, speak to your GP. Stress and exhaustion also impact sexual pleasure.
Even with the best efforts, orgasm may not happen. Physical conditions, personal experiences, and medication side-effects can lessen sexual responses.
Don’t create pressure to perform in pursuit of The Big O. Our physical and mental states are in flux; what isn’t happening now may happen in the future. Focus instead on mutual sexual enjoyment.
What increases intimacy for you? Are you satisfied with the level of intimacy in your life? Let us know in the comments section below.
Also read: Can orgasms extend your life?
Gillian, it’s “la” petite mort. The “e” on petite should have told you that “mort” is feminine.
Typical male, completely missing the point !
Fixing an error doesn’t mean I missed the point. I CAN do two things at once.