As we age, the complexities of life often take a toll on the most intimate aspects of our relationships. From the hustle and bustle of daily life to the natural changes that come with ageing, it’s easy to attribute a lacklustre love life to factors like stress, fatigue, or even deeper relationship issues. But what if the secret to reigniting that spark lay somewhere completely unexpected?
Enter the realm of sleep, a vital yet often overlooked component of our health and well-being. Dr. Phyllis Zee, chief of sleep medicine at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, suggests that before we jump to conclusions about the state of our romantic lives, we should first examine our sleep habits. It turns out that the quality of our slumber could be the hidden key to rekindling the flames of passion and intimacy.
The connection between sleep and sexual health is more profound than many realise. Poor sleep can lead to a decrease in sex hormones like testosterone, which is crucial for libido in both men and women. Testosterone levels naturally rise in the late afternoon and peak in the morning, but this cycle can be disrupted by a lack of restful sleep. Studies have shown that women over 50 who sleep less than the recommended seven to eight hours per night report lower levels of sexual activity. And for women over 70, sleeping fewer than five hours a night can reduce the likelihood of being sexually active by a staggering 30%.
Men are not immune to these effects either. Research indicates that sleep deprivation can lead to lower testosterone levels and increased cortisol, the stress hormone, which can further dampen sexual desire and performance. But there’s good news: prioritising sleep can lead to significant improvements in one’s sex life. A study found that each additional hour of sleep correlated with a higher libido, better physiological responses, and a 14% increase in the likelihood of engaging in sexual activity the next day.
Ian Kerner, a licensed couples therapist and writer on sex and relationships, emphasises the need for an attitudinal shift when it comes to sex. Rather than viewing it as a switch to be flipped on demand, we should see it as a simmering pot that requires time and the right conditions to reach a boil. This means showing up prepared to let desire emerge slowly, which is more likely when both partners are well-rested.
To enhance both sleep and sexual intimacy, it’s crucial to create an environment conducive to rest. This includes keeping the bedroom cool and dark, minimising blue light exposure from devices, and avoiding heavy meals or alcohol before bedtime. Engaging in relaxing activities like soothing music, yoga, meditation, or a warm bath can also set the stage for a good night’s sleep—and potentially, a more fulfilling sex life.
Sex itself can be beneficial for sleep, as the act of intimacy and orgasm releases hormones and neurotransmitters that promote restfulness. However, sleep disorders like obstructive sleep apnea, which is linked to erectile dysfunction in men and sexual disorders in women, can disrupt both sleep and sexual function. Insomnia and circadian rhythm sleep disorders can also wreak havoc on one’s sex life, especially for shift workers or couples with mismatched sleep chronotypes.
Being mindful of your partner’s sleep preferences and making adjustments to align your schedules can enhance both sleep quality and sexual satisfaction. Simple changes like exposing yourself to bright light in the morning, eating dinner earlier, and exercising in the morning or early afternoon can help reset your circadian rhythm to match your partner’s.
Ultimately, good sleep and good sex both require intention and planning. Kerner suggests setting aside ‘willingness windows,’ dedicated times for couples to be open to sexual activity, even if it doesn’t lead to intercourse. This approach reinforces the importance of sexual connection and can pave the way for more intimate encounters in the future.
What role do you think sleep plays in your daily life? Share your insights and let’s discuss how rest can impact our well-being and relationships.
Also read: Embracing your sexual confidence: How to navigate the changes of an ageing body
