As a woman in my early 50s (well, 54 …), having worked since I was 13, professionally since I was 21, run businesses since I was 40 and raised three children into adulthood, I have personally experienced or witnessed my fair share of syndromes.
From imposter syndrome, to superwoman syndrome, to burnout syndrome, to Peter Pan syndrome to corporate Stockholm syndrome – I honestly thought that I had seen it all.
But no – it appears there is another syndrome I need to be aware of … empty nest syndrome.
Psychology Today defines ‘empty nest syndrome’ as the distress and other complicated emotions some parents experience when their children leave home. Symptoms include sadness, loss, depression, loneliness, distress, worry or anxiety over a child’s wellbeing, a loss of purpose and meaning in life and increased marital tensions.
Two of my three children have recently flown the nest and the third is barely at home, and I am repeatedly asked how I am fairing without them.
To be honest, I am thrilled.
Owning their own lives
I love that they are independent, resourceful, courageous and forging their own lives. I love that my house is always clean, my grocery bill has halved, my loads of washing are now few and far between and my bank balance is blooming. I love that I don’t lie awake at 3am in the morning waiting for them to arrive home safely. I love that I don’t have to make decisions for them every single day. I love that they all come home with their respective partners for our now traditional Sunday night dinner where they get to catch up with each other and I with them. I love that I get to miss them.
I love, absolutely love, it all.
But just like when I dropped my youngest at the school gate for her first day of primary school when she was a tiny little curly haired five-year-old, and I let out a whoop of joy and high-fived the air whilst most other mothers around me wept into their tissues, it seems I am in the minority when it comes to my elation at my new-found freedom.
Indeed, research conducted out of the UK in 2021 of 1000 parents of first-year university students found an astonishing 98 per cent of parents felt ‘extreme grief’ after their child flew the nest. Of these, 30 per cent admitted to drinking more alcohol and 17 per cent experienced physical symptoms such as grief, panic attacks, sleeplessness, racing hearts or uncontrollable crying.
Mixed emotions
Really? Why all the sadness?
In Australia, The Empty Nesters Report 2024 found a mix of emotions – while many experienced sadness (36 per cent) and worry (29 per cent), 44 per cent of empty nesters felt a sense of pride and 29 per cent a sense of happiness. Interestingly, this rate of happiness was a significant decrease from the 2018 Empty Nest Report that found 51.4 per cent of parents experienced happiness. Surprisingly (at least to me), over half (51 per cent) of current empty nesters and almost two-thirds (65 per cent) of former empty nesters wish their kids had stayed at home longer.
Again … Really? Why?
If, like me, you had your children in your 30s, there is a good chance you will be empty nesting in your 50s. And I can tell you – it’s a great time to empty the nest.
In 2018, Forbes famously described women aged 50+ as ‘super consumers’ – with more than $15 trillion in purchasing power in the US alone – we are the wealthiest, healthiest, and most active generation in history, controlling 95 per cent of household purchasing decisions.
New freedom
As a so called ‘super consumer’ with an almost empty nest, I find myself with more time (like 74 per cent of other empty nesting Australians), a better financial outlook now that I am not paying for most of what my children do or consume or wear (like 68 per cent of other empty nesting Australians), have a new sense of freedom (63 per cent), feel less guilty about spending money on myself (51 per cent) and am exercising more (41.3 per cent).
I am also travelling more – just like 92 per cent of other Australian empty nesters and for longer periods of time (73 per cent). Last year I spent seven weeks in Bali on my own. This year I spent a month in Italy and France. Next year I have one international trip of a month already booked and three more in the pipeline.
Please don’t get me wrong. I love my kids more than anything in the world. I would do anything and drop everything for them. But am I excited (as opposed to devastated) about this period of my life where I get to prioritise myself for the first time in 25 years? Hell yes. To my mind, this period of empty nesting is a time of joy, choice, elation and freedom. No empty nesting syndrome for me.
Did you suffer when your children left home? Why not share your experience in the comments section below?
Also read: The rise of grey divorces
