The problem
“I am in my early 60s and, after my daughter was sectioned with mental health problems earlier this year, I’ve been looking after my three grandchildren. She is still in hospital and is likely to be there for some time, but Social Services have said they are happy for the children to stay with me and my husband.
“I won’t pretend it hasn’t been difficult at times, as they are hard work, but I love them to bits and enjoy every moment I am with them. But trying to entertain three little ones has been challenging, to say the least.
“Luckily, we are close to some lovely parks where I’ve been able to take them to let off steam. As I’m new to this, I thought about the mother and toddler groups I used to go to with my own children were little ones, but I feel I’d be out of place. I’m sure I’m not the only grandparent caring for small people, so why is finding something for people my age so hard? I can’t find any groups locally, although I’ve asked around.
“My husband’s employers have been very good and given him some time off to help. But once he goes back to work and I have to manage the children on my own, I know I’m going to struggle. Worrying about this is getting me down and I wish I knew where to turn for help.”
Fiona says
“You are by no means the only grandparent taking care of their grandchildren. There has been research to show that four out of every five children are cared for by a grandparent regularly, and that more than half of all childcare is done by grandparents. That’s an enormous number of people who are in a similar position to you.
You are certainly not alone
“Whilst not all of them will be full-time carers for these children, you certainly aren’t alone. That means that whilst your own experience might have been young mums and toddlers meeting together, these days the range of carers is far more diverse.
“Once you start exploring properly, you’ll likely find many opportunities exist locally. There are bound to be playgroups and toddler groups and you may well find other kinds of groups too – there are music groups and soft-play centres, toy libraries and more. Church halls, village halls and other centres will almost certainly have options available where your little ones can play with others. Most these days refer to ‘carer’ rather than ‘mother’, so you’ll find fathers, grandparents, nannies, au pairs, and childminders too.”
“The website Raising Grandchildren have many tips for grandparents, you will find lots of helpful advice and useful links, including advice on how to find a support group. The Australian parenting website Raising Children also have a whole section dedicated to grandparent carers and kinship carers.
“I would also particularly encourage you to remember to look after yourself, not only your physical health but also your emotional health. In particular, don’t neglect your friendships – your friends will still want to see you! They are also amongst those you can talk to and ask for help – you might be surprised who would be willing to babysit occasionally, so you and your husband can get out together.”
If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
How often do you look after your grandchildren? Do you find it difficult to think of things to keep them entertained? Let us know in the comments section below.
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– With PA
