How to deal with difficult people at Christmas gatherings

How do you feel about Christmas Day, and the festive season in general? 

Do you look forward to catching up with old friends and family, or is it a social minefield and you can’t wait until it’s over?

Sometimes it’s both.

Christmas is the time of the year when family, friends and work colleagues get together to enjoy festive gatherings. The thing is that many people in the same room don’t get along, in fact, they may even dislike each other. How do you manage a situation like this?

According to Niki Saks, leading health and wellness expert and author of the bestselling book, Hiding in the Open: Living Sensitively, the festive season is often not-so-festive a season.  

“Attending social occasions with people you don’t get along with or have trouble tolerating can be a challenge, that we all face,” Ms Saks says.

“Mind-altering substances and stress can certainly amplify tension during get-togethers. This is one of the many reasons why emotional distress and the annual disagreements happen over the Christmas period. 

“There are however ways that you can have a good time without any unexpected situations having an impact on your relationships and your possible career opportunities.”

By applying the following simple and effective steps you can manage difficult social situations over the holiday season. 

Mentally prepare yourself

“Breathe. Keep your expectations realistic,” Ms Saks says.

“Look back at past events and play this movie forward in your mind; you know how it has ended at previous gatherings, be prepared for a rerun. 

“Knowing this, and ensuring that you stay level-headed, will assist you in enjoying the event as much as possible.”

Read the room

When it comes to resolving situations, especially with family, take stock of what’s happening. 

If there is alcohol in the mix or other elements that may affect the way people are behaving, take this into consideration. 

“Set a clear boundary of what you will not tolerate; don’t try to fix them/it/the past at this point,” Ms Saks says. 

Stay focused on getting through the event and enjoying yourself. 

Heavy, difficult, or important conversations are best kept for another time, especially when late in the day at the event. Keep things light, friendly, and positive.  

“Often people are comfortable talking about themselves. This will divert them from other, more sensitive topics.”

Value yourself

“Understand that your needs are important too and know your value, especially when words directed at you may be hurtful,” Ms Saks says.

This may be hard in the moment but dig deep, we fundamentally know when we are being disrespected and no one deserves that.” 

Stay contained

Try to be firm but always stay kind and do your utmost to not get emotional. 

Try your best to not take the situation personally or allow yourself to be drawn into any difficult conversations or arguments. 

Imagine yourself on the outside looking in at the proceedings; detached completely from the whole situation unfolding. This method will help you stay neutral and above any issues. It may be hard at first but it is essential that for your own wellness, you find the most accessible way to stay calm and in control.

“Remember to breathe and think of things that make your soul fill to keep your mind focused,” Ms Saks says. 

“Perhaps try to focus your eyes on something in the space that helps you make a mental diversion from the moment. There are many mindful ways you can help yourself to disengage and stay cool.”

Take a step back

“Be willing to walk away and remove yourself from that situation, get some air. Take care of yourself first, breathe deep and commend yourself for doing the work. This builds self-esteem,” Ms Saks said. 

Removing yourself from an environment that is unhealthy, negative, or toxic is important for your own self-esteem and mental health. 

It also allows you the time and space to regain your composure to be able to get through the event without being drawn into any ugly incidents.

“Move away to use your phone, step outside for a breath of fresh air, head over to the other side of the room to chat with different people, get a bite to eat at the food table or grab a lavatory break for a quick touch-up,” Ms Saks says.

“We hold our breath during stressful times and it works against us so remind yourself to take a breath, I promise it will help you to take stock and keep your mood in check.”

Have you experienced conflict over Christmas? How did you resolve it? Why not share your experience in the comments section below?

Also read: Gift cards and their pitfalls – a Christmas guide

Niki Saks is a mental health expert and author.