It struck me the other day that my attempt at defining old age was a tad lacking. I had found 10 or so markers but realised that this list was a bit limiting, a bit undercooked so to speak. Again, in no order, come the following indicators.
- You resist the idea of orthotics until your feet scream at you and the kind podiatrist coaxes you into a pair, custom made to your strange-shaped foot. Lo, the world seems a happier place and you stride out into the wilderness knowing that sore feet or at least fallen arches are behind you. You also decide that stilettos are the work of the devil and that sensible shoes have been badly and falsely maligned. Some of them look quite pretty even.
- You find yourself happy that you now qualify for a Seniors Card and avidly and enthusiastically embrace the discounts it gives. You justify this with the well-worn adage that “you paid your fair share of taxes” and now deserve a little back.
- At the local pub, the seniors meal now looks quite inviting – you no longer dismiss it as for ‘others’ and decide it is reasonably priced, up to par with the rest of the menu and not too big a portion. After all, you don’t like waste and don’t eat as much as you used to, so the size is perfect.
- Cruises now begin to look appealing. Yes, yes, I know you have said you’d never go on one but somehow now they seem a bit more interesting. After all, you only unpack once and everything is arranged for you. Easy-peasy.
- You look forward to eating early and then settling in to watch a series on the latest streaming channel. Well, actually, you are piggy backing on your adult children’s account and are fearful someone will find out soon and dump you off. So best to watch all that you can in a bit of a rush.
- You still buy the Saturday paper, loving the idea of keeping bits to read the next day. You even save up some of the weekend magazines to last you through until the next week. You run the risk of becoming a hoarder with the piles collecting dust.
- You sadly think that you still have some relevance in the world at large, that your grey voting power will somehow make politicians honest. You even think your adult children have a place in their lives for you. Dream on dearie.
- You travel now with multiple medical scripts and supplies for various ailments, make sure you have decent travel insurance and check that your will is up to date before you fly.
- You decide to blow some of the kids’ inheritance and fly business class, just once mind you. You don’t want to seem too extravagant.
- Speaking of wills, you agonise about what to leave to whom, make sure there is a small amount to the nearest university (the one you went to eons ago) and try not to really believe that you are one day going to die.
- On a bad day you do the mental arithmetic about how many good years you have left. On a good day you feel that you will live forever. Nothing to see here, just a few little wrinkles and age spots.
Good luck with self-delusion!
What were your signs that you were getting old? Why not share your experience in the comments section below?
Also read: Why is our diet so bad, and how did it get this way?
