What’s better than having a laugh with Friday Funnies? Reading them in your pyjamas in bed with a cuppa! Be warned though, some are a little naughty.
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An elderly couple haven’t been intimate in a long time. The husband has an idea. He takes his chances and climbs into bed butt naked and cuddles up to his wife in an attempt to get things going.
“Why are you naked?” she asks.
“I’m not naked, I’m wearing those special ‘environmentally friendly’ pyjamas,” he says, coyly.
She shudders. “You could have at least ironed them.”
•••
What do you call a horse in pyjamas?
A nightmare.
•••
A man calls his wife from work: “Honey, my boss has asked me to go fishing with him for the weekend! This is a great chance to get in his favour, would you mind packing my bag so I can pick it up before we leave?”
“Sure,” she says.
So she packs for him and he leaves for the weekend. When he comes back, she asks him how his trip was and how many fish he caught.
“Fantastic, we caught trout, salmon and even a swordfish. The only problem was you forgot to pack my pyjamas,” he says.
“No I didn’t,” she says. “I packed them in your tackle box.”
•••
What’s hard and hairy and sticks out of your pyjamas at night?
Your head.
•••
Two men are hiking down a mountain when the sky opens up and rain begins to bucket down. Holding their coats over their heads, they run to the house of the man who lives closest. They arrive and dry themselves off.
The rain continues for a few hours without letting up.
“Listen,” one man says, “this rain isn’t going to stop any time soon. Why don’t you spend the night here? I’ll just head upstairs and sort out the spare room for you. I’ll be done in about an hour.”
An hour passes, and the spare room has been vacuumed, dusted, tidied and the bed made. He heads back down to his guest and is shocked to find him completely drenched.
“What happened to you?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well, since I’m spending the night, I thought I’d better go home and get my pyjamas.”
•••
The other morning, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.
How he got into my pyjamas, I’ll never know.
•••
After waiting more than an hour-and-a-half for her date, the young woman decides she’s been stood up.
Exasperated, she changes from her dinner dress into pyjamas and slippers, whips up some popcorn and resigns herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner has she flopped down on the couch than her doorbell rings.
There stands her date.
He takes one look at her and says: “I’m two hours late, and you’re still not ready?”
•••
I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas …
… but is she grateful? No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.
•••
A man wakes up after a night out with his mates and has a horrible hangover.
He realises that he’s home, in his bed. With growing shock he realises that he’s wearing pyjamas. He notices a glass of water on his nightstand, a couple of aspirins and a note.
The note reads: “Darling, I’m off to the shop. Breakfast is on the table. Eternally yours, your loving wife.”
Completely confused as to why his wife is being so nice, he walks through a spotless house to the kitchen, where a nice breakfast is waiting for him. His son is sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.
The man asks: “Son, what on earth happened last night?”
“Well dad, you stumbled in at 3am, completely drunk, puked in the hallway and pissed all over the toilet.”
“Why is mum being so nice?”
“Because when she was trying to take your pants off to get you into bed you started screaming: “LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!”
•••
What are the devil’s pyjamas made from?
Satin
•••
A husband would wake up every morning and let out a looonnnng fart.
Each morning for years his wife had told him: “You’d better stop that, or someday, you’re going to poo your guts out.”
Finally, after decades, she’d had enough.
After cleaning out a chicken, she took the insides and carefully tucked them into his pyjamas while he slept.
When he woke up she heard the usual RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP was followed by horrific screaming. There were a few minutes of silence before her husband shuffled downstairs.
“My God!” he exclaimed “You were right! But by the grace of God and my own two fingers I got it all back up there!”
•••
What’s the difference between a man wearing pyjamas on a bicycle and a guy wearing a tuxedo on a unicycle?
Attire.
•••
A woman and her two snotty-nosed screaming kids walk into a shop.
She’s wearing dirty pyjamas and her hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed in days.
She is cursing at her children when she is approached by an old man working as a door greeter.
The greeter says: “What lovely kids, are they twins?”
The woman scoffs: “Are you blind or just dumb? They are two years apart and look not a damn thing alike!”
The man grins and says: “Neither, I just can’t believe someone had sex with you twice.”
Did we miss any pyjama jokes? If so, share them with other readers in the comments section below.
