While this week’s Friday Funnies may seem a little lame, these short, sharp two liners are guaranteed to make you chuckle.
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
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Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”
The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter!”
•••
Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticise them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they’re not laughing now!
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Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
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How does an octopus go into battle?
Well-armed.
•••
“I stand corrected!”
Said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.
•••
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
•••
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
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